Archive for September, 2008

Puppet.

Controlling the doll by pulling her strings.

Anger, depression, confusion all being manipulated

by the creator.

Oh great puppet master,

can do no wrong.

Only the puppet can spoil the fun.

She wants to clip those strings of paramount.

Except she cares for that judgmental puppeteer.

For he is her architect, the one who gave her life.

So for him she will be slient,

and still.

Playing her role like all women should.

I felt like writing a poem to express my feelings. One day I might return to this and spruce it up, but I prefer my raw writings. It may not be well written, but it’s the essence that matters.

Sarah Palin is the devil in a bikini…

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it’s their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don’t like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story — connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God’s plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin’s view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, “It was a task from God.”

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist’s baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God’s name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don’t move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, “Drill Drill Drill.” I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

By: Eve Ensler

I’m not gonna write you a love song….

It’s so cold in the student center. Theres this door near me on the side of the building that people keep opening and closing and I’m freezing. It’s a handicap accessible door, stop being lazy! I have my math exam in 50 minutes. I’m a little nervous. Me and Dehlia sat in the student center for a little and we listened to music on my laptop. It was awesome. We were like head banging, and singing. Lolz. Nicholas wants me to come over after my exam, so he better feed me. ^_^ When I get to his house I’ll probably be hungry and depending on how my math exam turns out, I might be cranky. Sucks for him. I recommend everyone read the article I posted about Sarah Palin. Eve Ensler wrote it, and it is so true. I cannot stand Sarah Palin. Honestly, if she gets voted in I will probably consider moving to Canada. Anyone who believes that the War in Iraq is “Gods plan” is an idiot. So it turns out that I missed the sign up for the Haunted Graveyard, so I have to call Mama Beaudry and beg. It probably won’t be a problem though. She loves me. Time is going by so slow. I just want to take this exam and go. It’s insanely cold. Of course the one day I decide I probably won’t need my hoodie, I’m actually cold without it. This whole week I was hot when I wore it. I wish I could cuddle with my kitty. :( So I have been indulging in my guilty pleasure songs today such as Dashboard Confessional. Seriously, I don’t care if they’re emo. I really like their songs, and the actual instrumentals are so awesome. I am a music nerd. Why can’t I seem to pass the time properly? It feels like I’ve been here forever. I seriously think I will just leave early and wait on the bench outside of the class. I bet it’s not as cold there.

Her eyes are like a flame…

Olive is such a gross color, but I think it deserves to be used at least once. My life has been chaotic lately. I got hired at Ocean State Job Lot in Naugy. I’m not sure what’s happening with that however. My classes are stressing me out. I did bring in a million of something for Math though. My toenails are hurting my toes. I need to fix them up, along with my fingernails. I’ve had no time for primping as of late. I’m lucky i’ve had time to shower. Speaking of such things, I have to dry my hair and start doing my English homework.

Just as beautiful as you are, it’s so pitiful what you are…

So I am all dressed up with nowhere to go. Class was canceled again. For some reason I wanted to look really pretty today so I showered, put on a sexy dress, and whatnot. So now I can’t go to the gym because then all this sexiness will be for nothing. I am annoyed. I am annoyed with Nicholas as well. Rawr. I guess I’ll go watch tv or something.

Simplicity at it’s worst.

I honestly just want to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 9:30. I drove all the way to school to find that my class was canceled. I went home and ran. After taking a shower I fell asleep again until it was time to get ready for my dentist appointment. Right now, I feel as though I could take another nap. What is wrong with me? Am I pushing myself too hard to get everything done? Maybe I need to go back on the iron pills I used to take. I’ve also been getting headaches. I’ll get them a few days in a row. Ugh. Stress is my bodies enemy. All I want to do is sleep or apparently yell at everyone. If only I gave in and yelled at people. Sometimes I think it’s good for people to hear that they are SLACKING in the worst way. Especially when it affects me as well. Next week I have to bring in 1,000,000 separate items to math class. Yesterday we had to bring in 1,000 so I took 1,000 Nerds. Yes, I counted. This time however, I will not. I am going to bring in a crapload of something and say “Why yes, that is 1,000,000 shreds of paper” or whatever I happen to find. Nicholas didn’t call me yesterday and he didn’t answer when I called so I am a bit miffed at him. It is 7:10 pm right now and still no call. There better be a good reason. I am tired of going a whole day or two without talking to him. I am just crabby in general right now when it comes to him. There are a few things that are bugging me about him. Ugh. Relationships. I wish I was one of those people with an illimitable amount of energy. Exercising doesn’t even seem to give me energy. I must say however, that I really enjoy going to Planet Fitness. I want to check out the one in Waterbury too. They’re open 24/7. Mom and dad finally went grocery shopping so now we have so much yummy healthy stuff from Trader Joes. Chocolate Soy Ice Cream Sandwiches. Mmmmmm. I swear, eating healthy food from this place is actually good. It doesn’t taste like cardboard. They’re reasonable with their prices too. Unlike Whole Foods. Whole Foods has SUPER good food, but they’re expensive. I have a mountain of homework and I’m probably going to bed early due to my sudden exhaustion. I guess it’s time to get cracking.

Edit: I am watching Fringe for the first time today, and it is fucking crazzzzzzzy.

I got a lot to say to you, yeah I got a lot to say…

Well it is time for me to start all of my favorite autumn activities. I am mucho excited. I signed up for Planet Fitness so now I can get my apple picking muscles in shape, and my legs can be ready to run from something scary during our ghost hunts. Math class was fun today. So far, I like my teacher. Rate my professor seemed a little harsh, but then again it’s only my first class with him. There was this creepy kid though who kept talking to me and staring at me. o.O I was like “Um, i’m trying to learn here weirdo” We did probability today, so it was super easy, and his homework assignments don’t seem too bad. He posts the assignments for the whole month so you can get things done early if you choose. He’s better than the other one, thats for sure. My english class seems way over my head. Whenever I want to say something, someone else says it in a much more educated way. I have yet to say anything in that class. The lesbian teacher always stares at me too. I think she knows I am uneducated and lame. :( I will not give up though, because I know I was meant to be an English major. Yay for willpower. I have to stay up tonight so I can edit Nicks paper when he’s done with it. I swear he should just let me write them sometimes. I practically wrote his paper on making the golden gate bridge suicide proof. He should take advantage of my writing skills. I can’t wait to take another writing class. I like those better. Fuck all this alliteration/meter poem crap. I don’t need to know how to write poems. I have won awards for my poetry, and I don’t plan on earning a living with them. No one can have a career just writing poetry anymore. People barely read newspapers anymore let alone poems. I’m gonna go do some of my math work.

Pineapple Express

So it’s 2:10 pm and i’m waiting for my class at 4:45 pm to start. My last class ended at 12. Ugh. I went to my car and got my laptop, I ate a salad, and now i’m just sitting here trying to watch a bootleg version of Pineapple Express from some website. It’s really funny so far, but i’m not even that far into it because of the buffering and whatnot. It reminded my that I have a nice blunt waiting for me at home. I am deff lighting that up tomorrow. It’s going to be my last one for probably the whole semester. I normally don’t like to smoke while i’m going to school. Not even really on the weekends. Anywho, I tried watching Penelope, but that was worse. so while I wait for those to buffer, i’m going to write in my blog. Fun times. My math class gets out at 6, and then i’m gonna go to Planet Fitness and sign up. It’s only a dollar down, and ten dollars a month. So 11 bucks and I get to hit the gym. Woot. I’m excited. I only have one class tomorrow, so after that i’m gonna go to the gym for a rad little workout. Use the treadmill, stairclimber, weights, all that. Maybe even tan for five minutes. I am fully against tanning in a bed, but I want to try it. So five minutes for once in my life will not kill me. I have got a mountain of English homework to do, so I know what i’m going to be doing tonight. Rawr. I really wish that I could be spending time with Nicholas. I only get to see him on the weekends now. It’s sad. I miss him. Shit. I just realized I forgot my calculator at home. I hope I don’t need it today. This sucks. So i’m in Southerns new library and it is so pretty. The architecture  is  amazing.  I love that new building smell.  It smells clean.  The only downside is that it’s not finished so there are loud bulldozers outside. It took them a year to get most of the work done though, but Kaynor took three years to get a minimal amount. That’s because the people working on Kaynor are lazy and all they do is drink coffee and stare at the chicks walking by. I really hope this movie speeds up because I really would like to finish it before my class starts. Oh bum. I think my monthly torture just came. Balls. Well i’m going to go deal with that.

Hush hush.

Today was not the best of days. Thankfully, there will be more days. I switched my math class yet again, because I cannot stand the teacher I had. Well I took a look at rate my professors for my new professor, and apparently, he’s a bigger douche than the last guy. Oh well. Add/drop ended today, so whatever. I hope he doesn’t have an accent like the last guy. Bleh. I have come to find that I rarely like my math teachers. Mr. Riddick and Mr. Parillo are probably the only ones I ever liked. Krebs was okay, a little crazy though. Now on modays I have class from 10 am to 6 pm with only an hour and 45 minute break. Luckily, I am tolerant of such things and I will suffer for my education. I have lots of homework to do, so I shall get started on that. I miss Nicholas. :( Oh yeah, I think that the Hop Brook idea is totally awesome Lis, and we should do it. Seriously. I can’t wait!

Why don’t you say so…

The stress begins. Ugh. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I am also really mad at my clock on this blog. No matter how many times I fix it, it keeps posting the wrong time. Then I have to go back and rearrange my posts to make sure the new one is on top. On Wednesday I am joining Planet Fitness. For that day it’s 1 dollar down and 10 dollars a month. That sounds good to me. Exercising is definitely a good way to help relieve stress and give you energy. I actually enjoy some Death Cab For Cutie songs. Not the ones they play on MTV for some reason though. Those annoy me. But their older songs and a few of their newer ones aren’t too bad. I guess it’s time to go do some of my health assignment.

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