Archive for Random thoughts

Now I flinched and we all float face down…

{ August 3, 2009 @ 3:30 pm } · { My Depression, Random thoughts }
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I’m sitting here trying to get this feeling of desperation out of my mind. I’m struggling with this weight that’s pressing down upon me. The depression fools you into thinking it’s gone, and then it comes back for no reason. Why? I have to live like this day in and day out fighting an invisible force that I don’t understand. I hide from it, and I hide it from others, but i’m done hiding. Pills are a temporary fix, but confession: I still felt depressed sometimes. I need someone right now. I need someone to sit and watch movies with me, and just…be around when I need them. I need the true definition of a friend. I want to drown is happiness until I can’t take it anymore, and then I take another swim. Well, i’m not swimming or drowning. I’m simply sinking.

The stars lean down to kiss you…

{ July 27, 2009 @ 1:34 am } · { Change, Random thoughts }
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And I lie awake…I miss you.

So I have decided to move on.

“Martin” doesn’t deserve my time.

Fucking stoner.

Anyway. Tonight I talked to this boy “Frank” for hours (like 5 hours) on the phone, and it ended in a nice web cam chat. He’s in the Air Force, and he’s pretty neat. He comes back from training in Texas next month, so we’re gonna hang out.

I’m gonna be glad when school starts up again, so i’ll stop feeling the need to go on dates and have someone fill my time. I also wish work would pick up again. Maybe i’ll ask for a few shifts at my old crappy job.

Yesterday I saw Marko perform at Subterranean Sound. I seriously love him. He’s such a good friend to me, and when he’s up on stage, I feel like a proud mother. Lol.

I got some good “weaves” *cough cough* right now, so i’m gonna get blazed as much as I can this week. You are all welcome to come and enjoy as well. Gotta love a good bag of weaves.

My life is super boring right now I guess. I’ll update more later. Hopefully. I’m sure my blog is pretty pissed at me right now for not updating ever. Oh well. I’ve been reading a lot.

Finally time for an update.

{ January 21, 2009 @ 1:35 am } · { Bones, Change, College, Gotta love Torrent, Health, Life, Random thoughts }
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So nothing worth noting has been going on in my life until today. I’ve pretty much just watched Bones, hung out with people, and read a lot during break. I’ve done some other stuff, but it’s not important. Let me just break down this post.

  • I have decided to join an archeology club. They have one called the Litchfield Hills Archeology Group or something and it looks super interesting. I have always wanted to go on a dig, and they do digs during the summer. I might even take a class or two at Southern about it.
  • I want to start a book club. It will meet once a month, but I have yet to decide where to hold it. I’d like to find people who are interested first, so then we can find a place that is convenient for all.
  • I am applying to libraries in the surrounding areas of my town, and I really hope I find something. I would love to work at a library.
  • I want to volunteer (or work) at the Clockwork Repertory Theater. When I was looking them up on the internet, I found that they did a Murder Mystery Thriller play last year, and I would love being involved with something like that.
  • I honestly want to find better people to be around. I am tired of people taking me for granted and I want to make new contacts and expand my social circle. The things I’ve mentioned above are going to better my life, and possible help me network and find more opportunities. My therapist has been helping me a lot with this, and I can’t wait to start doing more with my life.
  • Classes start up on Monday. I honestly do not want to go. I am going to be so stressed until I can find classes to fill the gaps. I also want to drop exercise science because I have a gym membership, and I don’t want to take a class that I can easily get waived. I have to concentrate on finding classes that I really need to take, like a LANGUAGE. At this rate I’ll be taking a language until I graduate. Ugh. I pretty much decided to take Spanish. Since everything is being written in English and Spanish, it couldn’t hurt.
  • Soon I will start working on my case against the insurance company. I am nervous, but eager to put this all behind me so I can finally heal. I can still see the scar from the seat belt and it is a reminder that I am so lucky to be alive. That is why I got the tattoo I did. ( In case I forgot to mention I got a tattoo that says “I’m Alive” on my left breast. It was the closest I could get to my heart and I love it.) I have to keep telling myself to live my life. I need to do what I want to do for a change, and stop being scared. It’s time to put myself first for once. I am quite excited.
  • I need to go to the gym more. Ever since the accident I got lazy. I gained all the weight I lost over the summer back. It bothers me. I want to be healthier. I also have got to stop this on and off smoking thing. Weed and Camels. Ugh. It does not help, trust me. A few minutes of intensive running on the treadmill and I’m just about gasping for breath. When I smoke, my lungs and chest hurt pretty bad. Mostly it’s when I smoke weed. Honestly, I am going to stop. Ask me in a month if I did, and you’ll be satisfied with your answer. I don’t get addicted to things so it’s easy for me to quit. Quite easy actually…as long as I just resist the temptation. I swear, one day I’m going to knock that devil off my shoulder and give the angel a cookie! ( Strange enough the Angel looks like David Borneaz. Hottie!)
  • I have fallen in love with Bit Torrenting. I downloaded all five seasons of Angel, all four seasons of Bones (I know, it’s an addiction), all six seasons of Family Guy, and the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer movie with Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, David Arquette, and the fabulous Luke Perry (in his prime). Ben Affleck and Ricki Lake make slight appearances as well. I highly recommend this movie. Who cares if it’s cheesy? It’s cheesy at it’s best. :) I have also downloaded a few other things.

I am hanging out with Nicholas tomorrow before NVCC starts on Thursday and the Optimum Online guys just got here to fix the box that has been making my internet all wacky. (Yeah, it’s 1:30 am…I know) So I say it is time for bed. Goodnight. <3

And now I can’t post it because the internet is down again! UGH. There are two cop cars and two Optimum trucks out there. Fix my internet and let me go to sleep! Sheesh.

The girls got a smile that will put the sun out of buisness!

{ November 12, 2008 @ 1:30 pm } · { Life, Random thoughts }
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So I was really upset on Monday but Tuesday was a better day. I felt happier for some reason. I had my first appointment at Family Services and it was helpful. My therapist is really sweet. She said that I have Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder and that she is going to help me get over that, and start working on the other issues I have. I went to Barnes and Noble with Lis last night and had a wonderful conversation with her, and we mooched free ice water. ;) We were obviously the coolest people there, and we must spend more time together in the very near future. Today has not been half bad either. Dehlia did not come to school today so i’m basically just sitting in Conn hall doing stuff. I have to finish a play for English class, hopefully discover a class I could register for, finally get some Nano done, and maybe even talk to Nicholas. I did not talk to him yesterday and he did not answer when I called, so the nice thing for him to do would be to call during my break. Bones is on tonight, and we all know I have a thing for Angel (not my cousin, David Boreanaz) and he just happens to be on that awesome show. Besides, they’ve been having some great people make cameos lately, and this week Brenden Fehr is joining the show for a while as Booth’s brother! Two hot buff guys on one of my favorite shows. Mmm. Excitement. I love how i’m taking up a whole booth for just me and my laptop, and other groups of people are like crammed into little tables and whatnot. Hehe. That’s what happens when you get here late! When everyone around me leaves i’m gonna go get something to drink and maybe a cookie. Mmm. They have reallly good cookies here. They run out fast though, so I hope there is one left. Well I guess it’s time to go read M. Butterfly. Ugh.

Lis my love, I would like to steal your “10 things I love about…” if you don’t mind, and I think I might devote my very first one to you because you are the the originator. Plus, you are just so darn cute!

Whuuuuuuuut.

America.

{ November 5, 2008 @ 1:13 pm } · { Random thoughts }
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For the first time in 8 years, you have made a smart decision. Choosing Obama for President is what we needed.

I’m not gonna write you a love song….

{ September 24, 2008 @ 4:18 pm } · { Random thoughts }
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It’s so cold in the student center. Theres this door near me on the side of the building that people keep opening and closing and I’m freezing. It’s a handicap accessible door, stop being lazy! I have my math exam in 50 minutes. I’m a little nervous. Me and Dehlia sat in the student center for a little and we listened to music on my laptop. It was awesome. We were like head banging, and singing. Lolz. Nicholas wants me to come over after my exam, so he better feed me. ^_^ When I get to his house I’ll probably be hungry and depending on how my math exam turns out, I might be cranky. Sucks for him. I recommend everyone read the article I posted about Sarah Palin. Eve Ensler wrote it, and it is so true. I cannot stand Sarah Palin. Honestly, if she gets voted in I will probably consider moving to Canada. Anyone who believes that the War in Iraq is “Gods plan” is an idiot. So it turns out that I missed the sign up for the Haunted Graveyard, so I have to call Mama Beaudry and beg. It probably won’t be a problem though. She loves me. Time is going by so slow. I just want to take this exam and go. It’s insanely cold. Of course the one day I decide I probably won’t need my hoodie, I’m actually cold without it. This whole week I was hot when I wore it. I wish I could cuddle with my kitty. :( So I have been indulging in my guilty pleasure songs today such as Dashboard Confessional. Seriously, I don’t care if they’re emo. I really like their songs, and the actual instrumentals are so awesome. I am a music nerd. Why can’t I seem to pass the time properly? It feels like I’ve been here forever. I seriously think I will just leave early and wait on the bench outside of the class. I bet it’s not as cold there.

Vanity’s a business built to fleece the unique.

{ September 4, 2008 @ 11:58 pm } · { Life, Random thoughts }
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So I forgot to mention that yesterday I was at my aunts house, and one of the puppies bit my lip ring off. Yeah, it hurt like a bitch and I had to go get a new one. Luckily they’re only 10 bucks at Lifestyles, and I was planning on getting one anyway because the other one was getting dull and tasted metal-like sometimes. I still haven’t finished my paper. I have a page so far. I need one more page. It’s not that I can’t write anything, it’s just that it’s been so long it feels like a chore. I better get over it though. Lol. I was thinking today while I was bending over how awesome the invention of tank tops was. Tank tops look good with anything, and they always make boobs look good. Not just my boobs, but almost everyones boobs (unless the tank top is so small your boobs are like protruding out of it…thats gross). Maybe I just like boobs a lot. Hehe. I have to find out the sign up days for the Haunted Graveyard. I am so excited to be doing it this year. A.J. Pelletier will not get in my way this time. I will punch him in his fat beer gut. I hate when people start hating you because your friend broke their heart. I didn’t break up with you, so why am I getting such shitty treatment? Pft. Fuck that. You will all come to find that I have a low tolerance for irrational people. And bad drivers. Well I really must finish my paper so I can get some sleep.