I sure as hell don’t. Because I know exactly why.

Fuck.

Legit.

Why do people think fucking random peoplefriends is so great?

I legit just want to cuddle, and watch movies, and breathe your air…but no. It’s all about fucking and smoking or drinking.

“I want to see you more. I feel awful, etc” Blah blah blah blah motherfucker.

I bet you said that just to get me back in the sack, even though you know from past experiences that i’d do it anyway.

Ughhh i’m a whore now. Fuck. My. Life.

And will I ever tell you what I really feel? No. Why? I’m a pussy. A giant gaping fucking cunthole.

True story.

So i’ll do it here:

From the moment I met you, I felt this electricity. I know you feel it too, so don’t even try denying that. It’s what keeps us so interested. The easy way we were able to tell each other stuff, and how nervous you are to sing metal around me…it’s what makes me feel like we are good for each other. The insane amount of things we have in common, and how you’re so honest with me, well it’s great. But are you honest with your feelings? No. I have no idea what you’re thinking when it comes to us. I don’t want to think of you as the guy who just wants to fuck me, but it’s starting to seem like that. Man up and tell me what’s good before you lose me forever…because I can’t wait around for you to make a move.

In other news (that is less angsty) I passed all my classes. Woo for me.

Looking for a job still sucks. But in May i’ll atleast have LC back. I just have to find something for right now.

Still stressed and it’s making me break outlooklikeapreteen. UGH.

I’ve read like 7 books since break started and I still have about two weeks and a half till we go back. I bet I could finish 6 or more till then. I’m a fiend.

Going to Marko’s show at Toad’s tomorrow. Excited. I love him to pieces.

Drank lots of wine and rum with Meghan who’s up from Kentucky for a while. We’re planning to drink more this weekend. And also, KARAOKE Friday night at 9:30 and anyone who wants to come is invited. <3

Awesome.

Got my period three weeks early today. Ugh. And my cartiladge piercing is infected again. Yeah. Fun.

What else…

Mom kicked me out of the house two days before Christmas. We made up, we’re good now. But that fucking sucked. I had no where at all to go. It was not awesome. Christmas really sucked too.

I’m probably going to get diagnosed with bipolar disorder if my therapist ever saw this blog. Ughhh.

I even managed to pass Math. I know right! How the fuck?

Anyway, Joy and them got evicted so i’ve been helping with that. Crazy shit. Seriously. Boxes, driving, fighting, moving shit, all of their crap in my basement blocking all of our crap. Lots of stress, but I love my family, as crazy as they all are. Fuckin nuts.

Shawn. Ahhh. Yes. Him again. Well after our random Tuesday night hang out, we barely talked. I was busy, he was drunk, it’s all good. This Sunday night we hung out though. It was awesome. I get there to find out we’re chilling in Drew’s house with his friend Morgan, and Drew isn’t even home. After the boys try to figure out their bluetooth headset for PS3, they get all frustrated and Morgan goes home. Me and Shawn talk. You know when you’re both wanting to jump each others bones, but you don’t want to be the one to initiate it, so you talk about random ass stuff? That was us. Cops, our past records, christmas, our crazy friends. Then I accidentally call myself a guy, so he’s all “I know you aren’t” or some crap like that, alluding to our sexual escapades. So I say something, and he’s all “Don’t make me feel more awful than I already do.” Awful? The Fuck? So I explore that thought, and turns out, the kid likes me. He wants to see me more, and feels bad because he’s a shitty guy, etc. My heart warms. Then we talk about sex, and the next thing I know we’re fucking on Drew’s dad’s bed (that was unknown to me at the time. I thought it was Drew’s bed…yeah, not much better, I know). But man, this kid is good at sex. So then Drew and his date come back to the house, so we head on over to hang out with Morgan and his pilled up stripper girlfriend. It was fun times though. I had a pretty decent night, and I felt like I got somewhere with him (Aside from in the sack). Who knows. We’ll see where this goes.

For now though? I love not having to answer to him, but still feel good when we’re together. Hopefully this weird friends with benefits thing won’t come back to bite me in the ass later.

Break is pretty good so far. I’ve read like four books and played some Left 4 Dead 2, and just sat around relaxed. I got my iphone fixed. This nerdy guy at the APPLE store replaced the screen for me, and now I don’t have to spaz out when the screen pressed the wrong button, and I can press 0 and 8 now. Awesome.

I am legit broke as fuck though. My account is way in the red, and I have no money. I have like 16 bucks in my wallet. I’m going to cash in my change tomorrow. No, I don’t feel like a hobo at all. Hopefully I can dig myself out of this before the daily charges bury me even deeper. Fucking Webster assholes. I love my bank.

Straight to hell.

Anyway, for fucks sake I hate writing papers for professors who have their head shoved so far up their asses they can see their own cerebellum.

Is is absolutely imperative that you make me write an 8 page paper about all of the papers I wrote previously? Fuck no! You just couldn’t think of a good enough final paper topic and slapped that shit down. Fuck you bitch. Seriously. I don’t care if you think i’m “bright.” That’s bullshit. I’m a procrastinator. If I didn’t wait till the last minute my GPA would be a 4.0, but get real. I have a life. So my GPA will stay in the 3.7 range until I suddenly have no friends, no work, no boys on my jock, and no interesting videogames/books/tv shows to occupy my free time. Sure, if I actually put in effort my work is above average, but your class is a piece of shit anyway, so i’m not doing it. Maybe i’d be smarter if I actually got to take classes I want to take instead of your lame fucking Contemporary African American Novelist class. Slave stories told by women, gee, you’re not a black lesbian are you? You bet your fucking ass you are. Do I find that interesting? Hell no. Give me a short fiction assignment and i’ll write you a 10 page story, revised, that will earn me an A. Give me an 8 page paper assignment on how my thought process changed throughout the semester and you’ll get a bunch of blog entries, lots of time spent trolling Facebook, and two books done in one day.

Sorry, your class isn’t worth my time.

Get the fuck over it.

I should be writing these papers.

I was reading a book instead.

I want to be spending time with Shawn. But we all know that isn’t going to happen.

I will probably just go to sleep early.

I made an easy 60 bucks today writing a paper for my friend. Pretty awesome.

Maybe that’s why i’m avoiding my two papers right now.

Nah…I wouldn’t be writing them even if I didn’t bang out that other one today.

I am so fucking weird. Who the hell procrastinates this bad?

Atleast Bones was good tonight. Booth had his shirt off.

Also, I am very lazy.

I know, I should be writing my 8 page Contemporary African American Novelist paper. Or my 5 page British Lit paper. Or my friends 5 page British Lit paper because i’m getting 100 dollars to write it for him.

Am I?

Fuck no. I’m updating this sad excuse for a blog.

What the hell was I thinking when I wrote half of these entries?

Answer: Who the fuck knows. Nicholas obviously turned me into a retard. I’d like that pronounced as “ruh-tard” please. Just like in the Hangover.

His new girlfriend looks like she has no original thought in her ugly blonde head. Totally awesome.

There is this boy Shawn. And I slept with him twice. Do I feel dirty? Hell no. He gave me my first orgasm. I’ll take the friends with benefits if that’s all I can get from him. Why the hell not? We’re both adults. We hung out last night. Drank beer and Dubra in his car with his friend Drew while listening to Metal. Yes. With a capital M because holy fuck balls, how hot is it that Shawn listens to the kind of Metal that makes it impossible for you to understand what they’re saying? Really fucking hot in my opinion. Downfall: He’s built like Nicholas, so it feels weird when i’m touching his body. He has more muscle though. Last night his mom kicked me out of the house. It was sad because I was getting the vibe from him, and he is really awesome to talk to. Unfortunate, but this just means we’ll have to hang out again soon. Downfall #2: We live an hour away from each other. It takes gas and time to see each other. Neither of us has an abundance of those. Upside of the distance? I won’t be smothered and I can have time for my friends/school/other shit. And Shawn time will be more special.

You may be asking yourself at this point “Why the hell the novel about a dude she’s not even dating?” Because i’m a crazy bitch who clings to the shred of hope that one day it’ll happen with us. For now? I’ve got someone to call when i’m horny and I can actually enjoy his company when we’re not fucking.

Since when did I start talking/acting like this?

Since I realized that it’s easier for me to be like this than the sad mopey loser I used to be. Ya hear that everyone? No more Miss keep-my-dirty-mouth-shut. I’m going to tell it like it is from now on.

The comedy that is going to occur…I can’t wait.